In the last two weeks of October I've written and sort-of-posted four fics. That's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

However, far mroe exciting news- the hp_darkfest has started, oh my yes. Excitement abounds!



In the meantime, I've been preparing for NaNoWriMo (cue the terror), and writing Snape-centric fic, seeing what else I can do with that miserable sod.

And now, as a reward for listening to my ramblings, ( have a limerick about Snape )

Title: …Have A Drink?
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Torchwood, Firefly
Genre/s: Comedy
Characters/Pairing: Torchwood Three circa season two, and the crew of the Serenity
Rating: Rated L for LOL
Spoilers: None really…
Summary: For reasons best left unexplored (but are probably Jack’s fault), the entire Torchwood team have found themselves in the ship Serenity, where they are soon found by the crew. Hilarity ensues. (Hopefully.)
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, would I write fanfic of them? Well, only if there was some really bad executive meddling and the studio stole my characters from me…fortunately enough for us all, this is not the case,
A/N: I wrote this a few days back, as a short of challenge with a friend. The rules were ‘One hour, crossover comedy, at about 500-1000 words’. I wrote 1012 in forty minutes, which might explain the sloppy and haphazard nature of the tale you are (possibly foolishly) about to read…

( he found River sleeping on the table )

Title: Toshputer Is Your Friend
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Torchwood
Genre/s: Comedy
Characters/Pairing: Gwen Cooper, Jack Harkness, Toshputer, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones
Rating: Why do I even have this here? I move up and down this scale far too much. It’d give the BBFC headaches, for sure.
Spoilers: Series 1 & 2 of Torchwood; set pre-Children of Earth
Summary: The computer server at Torchwood Three is a little…odd. This is why.
Disclaimer: I am not the BBC. I am not Russell T Davies. I am not Steven Moffat.
A/N: …well, what can I say, I like Gamer!Toshiko too much for words. TOO MUCH FOR WORDS.

( >> HELLO, CITIZEN. )

Title: Decades
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre/s: Darkfic
Characters/Pairing: Shinji, Asuka, Toji (speaking roles), various mentioned. Shinji/Asuka, subtext of Shinji/Rei
Rating: Rated Mature for Fan Disservice, Mood Whiplash, and Squick.
Spoilers: You’ve watched End of Evangelion, haven’t you? Good…okay, I’ll give you a moment to recover from the flashbacks, and then we’ll proceed, shall we?
Summary: Decades ago, the Second and Third Impacts wrecked the world. The survivors did their best to fix it. Shinji is one of the last remaining survivors and now, he will be tempted.
Disclaimer: If I owned the characters, I’d be too busy having therapy to write fanfic. As I don’t, you get fanfic you lucky, lucky people.
A/N: This is what happens when I read a lot of Eva fanfics. Especially epic, multi-chapter ones involving knowledge of the events of the story, either thanks to time travel or meta-knowledge.

Of course, this is but a one shot story, so my apologies for that…and for potholing you straight to TVtropes. I’ll try and make up for it by writing more.


(  ''But why now? It’s been a long time since Third Impact. Why now, of all time?''  )

However, I wont blame you if you thought I was dead or, at the very least, in some sort of deep slumber for the past couple of months.

I've been writing my entry for the HP Darkfest, have no worry about that (although I may have spent a few nights too many glaring at an unhelpfully blank computer screen). I dread to think how it will pale in comparison to what it will stand alongside come the end of the month.

I've also got one other (complete, shockingly enough!) fic that I'll be putting up within a day or two- an NGE one, for a change of pace. So expect angst from that, of course...and a good helping of snark, naturally.

And on the griping hand, there are also some HP centric limericks I have written, which is surely the sign of the apocalypse, alongside the dead rising from their graves.

Title: Creep
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Severus Snape, Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Narcissa Malfoy, Regulus Black; Severus/everyone mentioned here
Rating: Mature- mainly because I wrote Snape as being quite creepy. Plus the whole ‘sex and the violence’ thing.
Spoilers: It’s been two years, so I feel free to be able to say, quite clearly- Neville Longbottom is a BADASS (also, he is a Buffet Of Manliness)
Summary: Five pairings, five drabbles
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: So, I decided to pair Snape with a bunch of different characters, with the principal theme of ‘Snape/anyone is creepy’. Maybe I succeeded? Maybe I failed horribly?

( so terribly easy to manipulate… )

Title: I Solve All My Problems With Violence, Don’t You?
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Genre: Various- includes darkfic, smut, action/adventure
Characters/Pairing: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Rating: Mature- for violence, sex, unusual sexual practices, and calling people an idiot.
Spoilers: It’s been two years, so I feel free to be able to say, without guilt or shame- Dumbledore’s gay! (and that’s okay). Wait a mo...that’s not a spoiler at all, that’s a song...!
Summary: Four drabbles, about the strange and unsettling relationship between Hermione Granger and Severus Snape...
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: Mwah ha ha (Also, Drabble I has blatant inspiration from this artwork which is even more NWS than what I write, oh yes.

( I through IV )

Title: An Academic Discussion
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Rating: Mature- for drunkenness, lust, messed up folks in positions of power, and even a touch of dub-con.
Spoilers: It’s been two years, so I feel free to be able to say, without guilt or shame- SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE! …wait, that spoiler’s four years old, not two. Curses!
Summary: After the disaster that was Slughorn’s party, Hermione attends a more private dinner.
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: This is what happens when I read siriuslysnogged’s fiction a whole lot in one night…namely, I got this idea, this concept, and it just wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it, and so…I did.
I would say ‘enjoy’, but in this case, I’d rather let you decide on whether or not you enjoyed it, first…
A/N 2:Also, yes- this is my first time writing this pairing. I’d say ‘be gentle’, but the pairing (as I have most commonly read it, anyway) doesn’t really encourage such behaviour, now does it?

( After the disaster that was Slughorn’s party, he’d invited her to a private dinner. No students, no teachers, no one famous. Just them, a decent dinner, and... <I>intellectually</I> stimulating conversation. )

I do suggest you check it out- it was a quite astounding fest to read last year, with some truly amazing darkfic, art, and all manner of other delightfully disturbing things. (Last year's entries can be seen via this master list.)

This year, I'm going to be taking part as well- let's hope I can rise to the challenge, shall we?

Title: A Fistful of Micro-Fics
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Genre/s: Various
Characters/Pairing:Cho/Pansy, Hermione/Pansy, Lily/Severus, Albus/Gellert
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Everything, anything.
Summary:Take four pairings, eight genres, and serve up thirty two micro-fics. Suitable for dinner parties and snacks with drinks.
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: Found the meme over on siriuslysnogged's journal ( this entry if you want to read it, which I recommend doing) and thought I’d give it a try…with four different pairings. ‘Why though?’ you may ask. ‘Because why not?’ I will answer.

Rules: Take the major fanfic categories and write something for each using ten words (Okay, I can’t stick to that word limit either)

( Cho/Pansy )
( Hermione/Pansy )
( Snape/Lily )
( Albus/Gellert )

Title: Quidditch Is Serious Business
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Genre/s: Comedy
Characters/Pairing: Cho Chang, Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter, Ginny Potter (nee Weasley), various members of the next generation; Cho/Pansy, Harry/Ginny
Rating: G
Spoilers: Everything- it is post-epilogue, after all
Summary: In which Pansy Parkinson goes to a Quidditch game and sort-of enjoys it, gets in a minor confrontation, and has to suffer from hearing the logic of teenagers.
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: A short little thing I wrote up yesterday- hopefully, it’s somewhat enjoyable, too.

( “I don’t need thought, I need indignity!” )

Title: A Vaguely Interesting Narrative (1/?)
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Genre/s: Comedy, drama, dramedy, crack
Characters/Pairing: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, numerous others; Draco/Harry to come, along with various others in the background
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: All the books...even if this is an AU. (It'll make sense in time)
Summary: A different Seventh Year, a different set of weirdness.
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine.
A/N: Yes, this one is a bit...weird. Or rather, this one starts off slightly odd and, if the ideas in my head are any clue, they story will get weirder still as the chapters progress. We'll just have to wait and see, wont we?

( “...bloody Ravenclaws!” Blaise said, leaping to his feet and heading for the exit as he did so, Nott right beside him. “We should be able to figure out their password again.” )

Title: Tea and Cake
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandoms: Harry Potter, Firefly, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Excel Saga, Doctor Who, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, DC/Batman, Empowered, Portal, plus some others in the background.
Characters: Luna Lovegood, River Tam, Shinji, Rei, Hyatt, The Doctor, Kyon, Cassandra Cain, Ninjette, Chell
Rating: PG, if that.
Summary: Luna Lovegood has friends round for tea and cake.
Disclaimer: Nuh uh, don't own a jot of it.
A/N: I think there are quite a few canons who are, shall we say, left disheveled by my treatment of them here. Maybe they'll even say to themselves “Who was that mysterious masked author, and when shall I see said author again? Also, where's the nearest laundromat?”

( Tea <I>and</I> cake- how can you resist? )

Title: First Impressions
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Characters/Pairing: Gendo Ikari/Yui Ikari
Rating: PG
Spoilers: If you haven't watched NGE, then this wont make a whole lot of sense. But suffice to say, it contains spoilers for the background of Gendo Ikari, plus rampant fanon speculation regarding the Bastard King.
Summary: The recently wed Gendo Ikari converses with his wife, before and after his first meeting with the mysterious head of SEELE.
Disclaimer: I'm actually glad I didn't create these characters- I really don't want Anno's depression crica 1995, after all.
A/N: A little something I typed up about that time before one of the Ikaris became the perfect martyr, and the other became the Bastard King we all know and love (to hate).

( “Dear, they're richer than god, and think they should give Him policy advice. We'll both look like troublesome proles in their eyes. )

Title: Character Meeting #1
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Doctor Who, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Firefly, Harry Potter, Black Books
Genre: Comedy
Characters/Pairing: The Doctor, Gendo Ikari, Jayne Cobb, River Tam, Harry Potter, Bernard Black
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Well, there aren't really any here. Unless you don't know about what that Harry Potter did in that book released in 2007, of course.
Summary: Several characters get together to discuss just how to get an author to write more stories with them in it. Surely the fourth wall can stand all of them leaning on it...
Disclaimer: If I owned even one of these characters...I'd probably be fighting Fox right about now. But I'm not, so I don't.
A/N: This is quite possibly the silliest thing I have ever written.

( Let the meeting commence )

Title: In Which Jack Harkness Discovers the Addictive Qualities of The Sims
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairing: The Torchwood Three team as a whole
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Assume it's set in the first half of Season Two, and you'll be grand.
Summary: Jack Harkness has learnt to enjoy all manner of things in his long life- and the local entertainment is certainly not excluded from this...
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns the whole thing, RTD guided their crafting, and I merely play with them in a manner that'd cause (I do so hope) an amused smirk or two from this little bit of crackfic
A/N: Blame/thank slytherykin for planting this gloriously cracktastic idea in my head about half a year ago.

( Read more... )

Title: Stranded? Again?!
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Firefly
Characters/Pairing: River, Jayne
Rating: PG-13, shall we say?
Spoilers: Have you watched the Big Damn Movie? If yes, then you'll be fine. If not, then why are you reading this of all things? The BDM awaits!
Summary: Halfway through a job, the crew of the sort-of-good ship Serenity get scattered across a moon. Good thing the Captain knows how to fly as well, seeing as River is stranded on the surface. With Jayne. Oh, merciful Buddha, one of them is going to kill and eat the other one, aren't they?
Disclaimer: I once challenged Joss to a poker match for ownership of these characters, but I lost badly.
A/N: This is what happens when I read a metric tonne of Firefly fanfic in one sitting. Terrifying, isn't it just?
Additional- I have shamelessly stolen the style of River-thinking from the quite wonderful Peptuck, so credit where credit's due.

( Read more... )

Title: Something for a Tuesday?
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Seamus/Luna
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Oh, the whole seven books potentially
Summary: Seamus wakes up next to Luna, and notices something different about her today...
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, they wouldn't be so popular- so go and thank your lucky stars for JKR, I'd say.
A/N: An idea that came to me in a dream a couple weeks ago. No, really. It did.

( No, that couldn't be right. He must be addled from the sleep. Or, perhaps he had a <I>little</I> too much to drink last night )

Title: From This Body's Habitation... (Part three of three)
Author: timeywimeyball
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairing: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, the Malfoy clan at large, Luna Lovegood; Harry/Draco, others implied
Rating: PG-13, more or less
Spoilers: The heptalogy itself, plus limited elements from the fanwork Journey To The Place Of Ghosts
Summary: One conversation steered Harry towards his choice of House- but that conversation was changed and with it, the fate of the wizarding world...
Disclaimer: The characters, nor the setting, are mine- they are JKR's, no matter how much I may have twisted them. Further acknowledgements go to the writer/artist massicot, and to the poet Jay Wright. AU abounds throughout.
A/N: This being the part where the protagonists attend balls, commit crimes against magic and nature, and generally confuse onlookers.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

( “And you assume I'm not here to kill you? It would be quite a coup for the Order.” Granger said amiably, her wand still in her hand )

Well, I have been quite silent recently. Please do forgive me on that. It would seem that I tend to vanish while working obsessively on a fic, which may or not be a good thing- you'll be able to see the results of that when I post the third and final part of ...Habitation later today.

I'll also be catching up on the comments to a couple pieces of fanfic that were posted over on hp_crackdealers, which you might want to check out if you like high sillyness and frivolity, in the form of The Mysterious and Groovy Afterlife Of Wizards And Witches Who Died and The Long Night Of The Beard.

Have fun and enjoy, folks...